***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
