I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
you never un-have a 4some
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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