he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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