5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
