I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
