seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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