distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
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the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
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If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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