If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
