I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
