I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
