Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
