Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Holy sore nipples Batman
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
