I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
