Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
