You made me cry and you don't even care
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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