Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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