I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
