I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just had sex on a roof
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
