eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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