his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
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We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
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Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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