idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
