so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
