I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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