"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
