you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.