The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
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Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
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We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
my liver is dry heaving
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.