I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
23 Annoying things Girls Do When They’re Trying To Be Cute
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting