In the future we'll all be gay
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
