38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
