I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
