dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you