Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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