Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
