You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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