FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
