Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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