You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
