Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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