thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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