did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
