it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
