So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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