Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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