Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just pee around me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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