Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
