The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
