would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
