Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
