Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
