...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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