I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
