If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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