2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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