Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
