i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
