You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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