You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
