her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
