using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
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bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
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We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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