The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
