come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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