Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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