He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
