The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
