A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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