New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
