I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
