I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
