I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
