My hand turned me down
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
