I am in a vortex of obligation.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
