my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
