I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The adults are the big ones right?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
