Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
