Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
