I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
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REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
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Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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