Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
