boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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