Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
