if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
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