Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
