i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
