mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Please, let me fuck your mom
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
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Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
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We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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