Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
