Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
