fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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