kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
