Im at strip club and am horny
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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